it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
