His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
