So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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