Dual....:-)
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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