you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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