Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
