so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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