But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
