I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
