go do what you do best...puke behind churches
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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