she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
