we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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