I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
