haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
