They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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