he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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