I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
