theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize