We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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