I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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