he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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