I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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