I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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