I just pynch a tree in the face
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
