I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
