you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
