I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
