He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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