She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
