Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
