we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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