Have you finally orgasmed yet?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
