she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
