you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
50% drunk capacity currently
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
