If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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