Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
