I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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