i need an iv and a liver transplant
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
