i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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