well you can't waste a boner
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
