Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
