you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
