In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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