Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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