I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You took a bar mat shot.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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