I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
