I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
i now understand why vodka
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
