the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
