Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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