You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
