Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
