y did u give ur computer a hand job?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize