I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
