It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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