Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
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