I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
