I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
