not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
