and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
