your parents love me but you hate me
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
