Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
