I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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