He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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